| ucsc suddenly has the most stupid rules and restrictions about 420. what the hell. no incoming buses, no shuttle buses in GENERAL, have to have an ID and a parking permit if we want to drive up...like seriously? i want to get one of those huge trucks and just plow through the numerous bushes to get to the field and just say "HAH!".
control. i guess thats the more general issue i've been having. the fact that i can't control a lot of things that affect me more than they should. my friends are unhappy, but what can i do? i want to help them, but its always a problem with them + someone else (usually a stupid boy). i can't control relationships either. as hard as i've tried and i AM trying..it just doesn't seem to be working. how did keeping a friendship become so hard? if i feel like i'm losing friends, i tend to overanalyze, freak out, get sad, and then overcompensate by suffocating them. that seems to be a somewhat normal routine for me. is it so hard for me to understand the idea that of course they have friends too? but it always seems like the person standing next to me is better than me.
again, i absolutely hate the feeling that i am so lonely with friends. even when i'm with a group of people that i know, or even friends sometimes i feel so awkward and that i don't fit in. it's come to the point where i would rather just be by myself so i don't have to force myself to think of something to say. it also makes me sad when i've realized that i just stick out like a sore thumb. it just doesn't click...i don't know if it's because i've been having a bad week, but i just don't feel like i belong anywhere (as stupid as that sounds). or are we even supposed to belong anywhere? i dunno, i suck at meeting new people.
i've always had a faltering faith, i just want someone to prove me wrong.
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| can't do this because it's not fair, can't do that because it's ridiculous. everytime i try to do something, it's wrong anyway. so you tell me, what should i do?
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| i've always wanted people to remember me, but i guess that's not too plausible. people change, move, and replace. ahhh replaceable. what a nasty adjective.
maybe if i just give up..or don't try as hard, it wouldn't matter as much to me. but it's the only thing i care and think about.
so annoyed & frustrated. oh well.
i want a late night pho run like the good old times. i'm supposed to stop thinking about the good old times because they're in the past right? but it doesn't mean i have to stop thinking about pho! i seriously think pho is on my mind at least once every other day haha how sad...
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| shitty shitty bang bang. i hope this year doesn't continue like this.
i'm addicted to scrabble.
i hate coach.
this break definitely was not long enough.
and i still semi want a half job.
sigh.
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| dammit...i'm gonna sacrifice disneyland for dead sea scrolls? i think i am. *siiiiigh*
good luck on finals!
i can't wait to go shopping with the money that i shouldn't be spending.
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i called my dad this morning and he told me that RACHAEL RAY is gonna
be in palo alto on friday! sooo i might go try to get her to sign her
book that i would buy..hmmm..anyone interested in going!?!?
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